He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
