so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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