Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
