It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
