No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
