And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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