Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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