Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
