I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
