i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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