My liver just broke up with me...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
