He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
