So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
