It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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