I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
