sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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