He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
