No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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