Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
