And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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