I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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