You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
