you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
