I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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