We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
