dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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