this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
