We're facebook friends in real life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
