I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh god it's open bar.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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