i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
