i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
