Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
