Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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