You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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