i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
