I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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