Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
