I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
