Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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