Soap is not a condiment
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
