i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
