I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
