tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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