I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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