the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
