you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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