Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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