Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
