Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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