ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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