Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
