Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
