You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
