I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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