dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
