if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
