I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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