she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
