You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
