walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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