walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
