What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize