You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
