??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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