the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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