I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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