She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
