Just took my morning after pill in the library
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
