i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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