your parents love me but you hate me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
