member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
