Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
