I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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