You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
