im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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